I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
