Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
