Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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