I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
