Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i think im in europe. pls send help
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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