you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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