if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
