my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
