the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
