didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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