he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
