Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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