I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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