When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And then my night got REAL pukey
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
