Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
