you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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