i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
