I'm laying in your front yard are you home
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize