Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
