I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
