lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
