he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
