My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
