I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
