I'm going to jail i love you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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