You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
