No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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