i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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