i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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