i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
