I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
