Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
