anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
