can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
