he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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