Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
