mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
