dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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