That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
