whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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