Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
