Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I supernannyed him into submission
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
