Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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