help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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