i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this will be a night to untag.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
