Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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