You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
