apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
