I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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