I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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