i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
two words: eviction party
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
