the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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