Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
