does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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