Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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