I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I see more hoeing in ur future
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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