If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
