I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
