anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
dude. I can hear the air.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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