my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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