I can text with my tongue
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
