whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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