How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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