Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.