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Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
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