Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
