I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
