How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
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I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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