As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
