somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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