i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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