oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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