I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so explain again why im purple
no
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
