there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
