Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
