I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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