I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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