im drinking this country out of the recession.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
