Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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