hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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