you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
where are you?
Hypothermia
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
