It's Friday. Sex?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
