it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
